Archive for February, 2010

How to Date a Law School Student

Posted in Law on February 28, 2010 by George

Fish where the Fish Are

To meet a law school student, you need to be in a law school-rich location. Topping the list is Washington D.C., where around 1 out of every 12 people is a lawyer, right behind New York, which has 1 lawyer for every 127 people. At the very bottom of the list is Guam, which has only 1 lawyer for every 734 people, preceded by Arkansas, which has only 1 lawyer for every 507 people.

Go in for the Kill

Once you’re in a law school student-rich environment, you’ll need to go in for the kill. Our survey made it clear that students spend more time in one place than any other: the law school library. If infiltrating a law library seems impractical or illegal, your next best option is a bar—that is, a bar association event. Finally, you could frequent bars (where they sell drinks) near courthouses, but exercise caution to avoid alcoholics in legal trouble.

Beware the Law Student Personality

Once you’ve snagged a law school student, beware. According to 20-year psychologist, Dr. Fiona Travis, “the same qualities that persuade juries and win cases can also work like acid on marital relations.” Our survey indicated the same, with one law student wife telling us that she endures “power trips” and “being spoken to like opposing counsel.” Studies also show that law students tend to be defensive, argumentative, skeptical, and anti-social. However, the bright side is that you won’t experience these things often because law students are rarely at home. As one law student said, “Law school students tend to be type A workaholics and have a hard time balancing work and family.”

Only Repeat Things you hear from Credible People

Law school students are trained to destroy witness credibility on cross examination. That’s why if you ever repeat something you’ve heard, you should volunteer the tipster’s name, education, occupation, and criminal history.

Use Latin whenever Possible

Law school students feel warm and fuzzy when they hear Latin. An easy way to use Latin without knowing any is to give your pets Latin names. When you say, “Why, yes, I have a pet! It’s a poodle named Per Stirpes!” any law school student will turn to putty in your hands.

Make Love Notes Long and Confusing

Brevity and clarity make law school students feel uncomfortable and agitated, much like normal people feel at the DMV. For example, don’t say, “Let’s head back home early for some fun.” Instead say, “Let’s return early to the domicile for some malfeasance.”

Don’t be surprised when your law school student sweetheart nitpicks everything

When it happens, don’t accuse them of splitting hairs. That would be like accusing a dolphin of swimming. Instead, thank them for being both a gentleman/lady and a scholar.

Always Cite Sources

When in doubt, point to scientific studies, real or imagined. For example, instead of saying you “feel” that fried Twinkies should be illegal, say they’ve been associated with stroke and suicidal ideation. Your law school student lover may chastise you for sloppy research later, but will respect your appeal to authority.

Never speak of beliefs not backed by empirical evidence

For example, if you believe in the healing power of magnets, keep it to yourself. Instead, loudly and passionately accuse wait staff and small children of non sequiturs. Throw in a disparaging comment about the American education system for extra points.

Remember, it can all be very worth it

Law school students, despite their posturing and sometimes-aggressive demeanor, are really very sweet at heart. As one law school student put it, “I am looking for honesty, loyalty, a good listener, someone who can be confident, a companion and my best friend.” With a little training, persistence and patience, a law school student can be the love of your life.

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Jersey Shore Discrimination

Posted in Law, Pictures on February 28, 2010 by George

J.D. For Sale?

Posted in Law, Random on February 28, 2010 by George

From SF Craigslist:

After several years of practicing law with a bunch of nerds in Silicon Valley I have come to the conclusion that my law degree is useless and I don’t want to be a lawyer anymore. Though I spent over $100,000 on it I am willing to sell it for the bargain basement price of $59,250, which is the current value of my remaining student loan balance.

This priceless collectible will permit you to be surrounded by hobby-less assholes whose entire life is dictated by billing by the hour and being anal dickheads. Additionally, this piece of paper has the amazing ability to keep you from doing what you really want to do in life, all in the name of purported prestige and financial success. Finally, girls in the Marina will swoon with retarded thoughts of sugar daddy when they hear you went to XXX prestigious law school and are a lawyer.

Act now as supplies are limited and this crap takes three years to make. DISCLAIMER: this piece of shit isn’t even written in English. It’s in Latin or something, but I have the translation. It says “Haha. We took your tuition money bitch, now suck it. Sincerely, President of the University”

Added Bonus: It’s from one of those elitist BS institutions that accept people like George W. Bush cause their daddy donated $20 million. Instead of donating $20 million you can have it for the low low price of $59,250 or best offer.

This is actually a serious post. I will really sell this piece of shit.

Website of the Week: “Daydream Doodle”

Posted in Law, Random on February 25, 2010 by George

Another fellow law student found this cool website entitled Daydream Doodle. I think I probably daydream as much as anyone in class, however I can’t draw like this. Enjoy!

Equal Brewing Protection for Iowa

Posted in Law, News on February 25, 2010 by George

Currently, breweries in Iowa are not allowed to brew or sell any beer with higher than a 5% alcohol content — which sucks for them since higher-alcohol beer produced in other states is perfectly legal in the state, but is legally treated as liquor.

This past Monday, the Iowa Senate gave final approval to a bill that would allow the breweries in Iowa to produce higher quality and a wider variety of beers with up to 12 percent alcohol content. Drink up Iowa!

The Need for Nostalgia

Posted in Law, News on February 23, 2010 by George

From Craigslist:

“I’m tired of the lame law school girls. Tired of 6s who act like they’re 9s just because there aren’t any 9s around. I’m tired of studying, tired of worrying, and tired of acting like an adult. I want to pretend I’m an undergrad again, go to a keg party, smoke a joint, get wasted, sleep in a cute girl’s bed, do the walk of shame, etc, etc. I want to hear about your sorority drama and all the other kinds of college goodness. Anyone out there interested? I’m tall, athletic, attractive, and hell I’m gonna be a lawyer soon.”

Unfortunately college life is gone no matter how much you drink or party. To analogize, law school is just a three year snooze button that one pushes after college so they can put off the real world.

I’m On a Law School Boat!

Posted in Law, Video on February 22, 2010 by George

Enjoy this fabulous remix made by the students of UC Hastings as a promotion for their spring party!