Best. Script. Ever. x2.

These might be the two most random youtube video’s I’ve ever stumbled across, but they are simply amazing, especially during finals. Be Patient and watch it all the way through.

My Favorite Excerpt: My nephew is only 1 year old. He likes to run into the room and shout that he has a “poopy”, menaing a poopy diaper. But he doesn’t acutally have a “poopy”, he has a boner. There is nothing more scary and funny than a baby with a boner, excpet maybe for a monkey with a hand grenade. One minute you are laughing and …saying, “Hey, check out that monkey, he’s got a grenade.” Then the next minute you’re like, “Oh fuck, that monkey has a grenade.” The same thinking applies to babies with boners.”

My Favorite Except #1:I like to pee on homeless people, i can’t help myself. i like to squat right over their heads as they sleep behind dumpsters or in the stair wells of old buildings. i like watching the story their face tells, sometimes they get a deep smile and i know the warm splash of pee is altering their dreams… its not like im marking my territory or anything like that, its my way of giving back to the community.

My Favorite Excerpt # 2:Hold on a second, is your vagina smoking a cigarette?….Yes, she tired using the nicotine gum,  but eventually got the shakes and I kept falling out of my chair. But that’s not what I wanted to talk about. There is a very good chance you could meet a group of wayward Japanese tourists in there. It’s a long story, but their passports have expired, I am worried that one of them may have strep throat. Do you have any cat food you can spoon in?”

Special thanks to KMK for the find.

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