A Typical Pre-Vegas Gchat Conversation

A friend of mine forwarded me this gchat conversation that he had with a few of his friends regarding their upcoming Spring Break trip to Vegas. Enjoy the Awesomeness.

Nick: Patrick, (Guy With Girlfriend) GWG needs advice for Vegas since he has never been before?

Trevor: I thought GWG needed advice in general

Patrick: that’s a tough call, because the only time I’ve gone to Vegas in a relationship was last year WITH the girl I was seeing, so since he’s going stag, it might present some issues

Trevor: ask for a Hall Pass!!

Nick: haha, great idea, I can’t imagine GWG asking Girlfriend for a hall pass

Trevor: that would totally go over well

GWG: hahaha, thanks guys, it’s juts comforting to know you’re all thinking about Me :)…oh yeah I just smiley faced, Nick

Nick: bring that smile to Vegas…and your party pants

GWG: game on

Trevor: side note, can we do a guys Vegas trip after the bar

Patrick: your bar or our bar

Trevor: haha your bar, I’m looking to get a trip in this year…possibly a fantasy football draft in Vegas?

Nick: if I have a job, sure

GWG: bit cliché

Patrick: ill be in Europe for a while, but if I have a job when I get back then maybe

Nick: GWG, u seriously should ask for a hall pass

Trevor: no that will not go well, Nick is like the devil on your shoulder

Nick: just sayin’… I imagine the conversation going smoothly

Patrick: I imagine her breaking up with him and by default getting what he wants

Trevor: same end result for the Vegas trip

GWG: gets to have fun

GWG: Nick I don’t want a hall pass, I’ve got you and I don’t need a hall pass for that

Nick: u need a hall pass

Patrick: and a set of testicles

Nick: can I ask for you?

GWG: wouldn’t help your case

Trevor: the testicles or Nick asking?

GWG: thank you for all the concern surrounding my testicles

Nick: make sure to let your girlfriend give them back to you for the trip

Trevor: I wasn’t aware you had some…I thought they were in a jar that your girlfriend carried around with her

GWG: I’m quite happy with the treatment my testicles have been getting

Patrick: does she lick your balls, GWG? If she doesn’t, she should be

Nick: haha

Patrick: it’s the bee’s knees

GWG: I’ll let your imaginations run wild

Trevor: haha nope I was going to say GWG has to lick hers

Patrick: so that means you also get a finger in the b-hol

Nick: Haha

Trevor: we know who wears the pants

GWG: I’m fine taking off my pants

Nick: she’s had the pants on for a while

Trevor: and by pants you mean skirt

GWG: Trevor you’re one to talk

Trevor: I was actually waiting for this

GWG: come on you have a ball and chain now

Nick: locked up like Rapunzel

GWG: how’s the snuggling?

Patrick: don’t you mean wild, unbridled love making?

Trevor: well I spend most days cuddled up with my civ pro and con law books, so it’s sort of a love/hate relationship

Nick: GWG this conversation is about figuring out a way to get u a hall pass, not Trevor

GWG: you should be more worried about yourself than Nick

Trevor: yes stop avoiding the issue GWG, wow GWG is on a roll with the valid deflections

Patrick: it’s because he knows it’s a moot point

Nick: GWG def has his Deflector shields up today

Patrick: he already realizes she would say no, and he is going to blackout and dances with a cougar and probably grabs her butt

Nick: there is a lot of ass to grab in Vegas GWG

Trevor: I don’t think we should limit GWG to “a” cougar

Trevor: we are probably talking double digits here

Patrick: if I can give you any advice GWG, it’s to beat off before you go anywhere

Nick: GWG, just bring the Tiger Blood and you’ll be fine

Patrick: because Vegas girls are so hot and will make you want to cheat no baby batter on the brains will lead to better rather than worse decisions

Nick: Patrick, u know what advice means, I am going to have to wait for GWG at the bathroom everywhere we go

Patrick: Nick, since you were recently devirginized from Vegas, is there any possible way of describing what the club scene is like there to GWG

Nick: take every fun aspect of every club you’ve been to SF and put them in club and make every girl twice as hot, that’s a Vegas club. The music is louder, the drinks are stronger, everything just screams awesome.

Trevor: fuck

GWG: ahhahahahah

Trevor: I really want to go now

GWG: I turn away for a sec and you guys go on a roll

Patrick: (he was beating off)

Nick: HAHAHA

Nick: squeezin them out at work eh GWG?

GWG: I’m working for the weekend

Nick: by working you mean masturbating furiously in your cubicle

Patrick: he wants to deplete his sperm storage levels to about 10% by the time he gets to Vegas

Nick: that might take awhile if Girlfriend hasn’t been giving him love

Patrick: I would hope she has, they live within five miles of each other, no excuse at that point

Nick: she lives in SF and he lives in the East Bay

Patrick: oh, that’s right

Nick: GWG do you Skype sex ever?

Nick: and being on chatroulette doesn’t count

Patrick: lol

Trevor: holy crap what did I miss

Nick: I asked GWG if do you Skype sex ever?…he hasn’t responded

Trevor: hahaha

Nick: (again, likely back to squeezing another one out

Trevor: probably hoping to get it all out before Vegas so he won’t be tempted to do anything

Patrick: that’s my theory

GWG: hahaha

Nick: Patrick estimated to deplete his sperm storage levels to about 10% by the time he gets to Vegas

GWG: no Skype sex, not necessary

Trevor: what does not necessarily mean?

GWG: means I’m doing alright, haha

Nick: that means no ball licking

Patrick: I didn’t know it was possible, but GWG is more tight lipped about his relationship than Nick is with his

Trevor: GWG is very tight lipped. He deflects, deflects, deflects

Patrick: I used to deflect those questions about my last relationship too sadly, looking back, it was probably because I was unhappy

Trevor: I felt that last part coming

GWG: I’m happy

Trevor: and you prompted a response

GWG: I wouldn’t be in a relationship if I wasn’t, which means I’m getting everything I want, duh duh duh

Nick: GWG, to analogize your deflections, you are the x-wing fighter in star wars trying to stay on target (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mMDV3eISLPs )

GWG: hahaha, the force is strong

Nick: but your deflections and reality will soon seal your fate

GWG: btw I heard you and my ex had a heart to heart about me,  anything good?

Nick: yea, we both agreed we need to find a good lock cutter for your chain

Trevor: Vegas cougar, done

GWG: what chain?

Trevor: ball and chain GWG we were talking about this earlier

Nick: he is used to it, he doesn’t even notice it. It’s like Lindsey lohans scram bracelet

Trevor: he’s already been broken. It’s kind of sad, like seeing a wild horse get tamed

Nick: it been on there for so long, you forgot it even there

GWG: even wild horses like to sleep in warm barns and get fed carrots

Patrick: does this mean Girlfriend has a penis?

Nick: cue drum roll (silence from GWG = beating off to the thought of Girlfriend having one), also there will be no warm barns or carrots in Vegas

Trevor: yeah but a wild horse will always want to run free just a lot of free range to run

Nick: GWG c’mon, don’t get butt hurt

GWG: man I have to watch this chat,  it gets rolling. How am I supposed to get anything done. Anything done = beating off

Nick: hahha

GWG: I said it so you don’t have to

Nick: thanks sir

GWG: I’m going to Vegas to see Wayne Newton

Nick: yah right

GWG: maybe the blue man group and Patrick I’m stoked for NASCA

Nick: you’ll be in the blue balls group

Patrick: as you should be

GWG: I want an I heart America tank top and a fuck terrorism bumper sticker

Nick: can I bring my fake mullet?

GWG: saw one of those today

Patrick: I suggest also plan on dressing somewhat warm for the race since the weather could be cool

GWG: f that,  it’s NASCAR and I want to wear some jorts

Nick: jorts?

GWG: jean-shorts

Nick: nice I have some nice ones from my white trash party

GWG: done, or we could do a whole cowboy theme, I could bring boots and a hat. oh the possibilities NASCAR affords

Patrick: if you’re going to dress up, I suggest earnestness over parody over the top will be lost on most of the crowd

Nick: what would u suggest could be persuaded to dress up

GWG: Nick too

Patrick: id say don’t dress up, it will be fun without it, plus wearing a mullet may piss some ppl off

GWG: hahaha

Nick: like the whole grandstands

Patrick: if you can find an old NASCAR shirt at a thrift store (GWG), wear that

GWG: ok I’m on it, Nicky I’ll get you one to

Nick: thanks sir